You know you're a Great Dane owner when...

The sound of running water makes you jump up and yell, "OUTSIDE!"

You tell your dog to sit, and he backs up until he finds a chair

It takes 3 people to get your dog on the scale at the vets

You walk your dog and everyone knows him by name, but you have no idea who these people are

You can carry on a conversation with a dog's muzzle firmly in your crotch

You own a dog capable of pulling someone from a porta potty 

Your dog can hide an entire tennis ball (among other things) fully inside his lips and give you that innocent look that says, "What? I'm not eating anything!" 

You carry a tape measure with you when shopping for a new vehicle 

You keep at least one color-coded "drool towel" in every room of your house 

After banishing your husband, the snoring in your bedroom still keeps you awake

You are hiking with a friend who later suggests that you ought to have an environmental impact statement done on your dog

Visitors enter the house holding their privates protectively

You toss your dog a ball and cringe when he almost hits his head on the top of the doorway 

You take your dog for a ride and he rests his head on your arm, causing you to make random right turns 

You have given up on water dishes and you just use the bathtub 

Your two dogs decide to play in the house, and they end up pulling the ceiling fan down -- for the second time

You have to move over when brushing your teeth because your dog wants a drink 

You show a picture of your dogs and kids together, and the first person you point out is your dog 

While stopped at a stop light, everyone stares as your car rocks back and forth because the dog is panting out the window

You go to vacuum your car and most of the fur is up there on the ceiling

You avoid the dogs on your way out the door, so they won't smear your makeup

You’ve learned to force a smile when asked "do you have a saddle for that thing?

The monthly dog budget exceeds your home mortgage payment

Your veterinarian has been able to put in a swimming pool, build a large home, buy jet skis and a personal plane

You have had to train your dog not to lick dishes, and the dishes are in the sink 

Your dog can see what you're cooking, and he tries to assist you in the preparation

You're holding him straddled between your legs when the doorbell rings, you take a short (but fast!) ride straight to the door 

The pizza delivery people tell you to meet them at the end of the sidewalk 

Your dog stands in your lap and reaches over you to stick his head in the drive-through window at McDonald's and nearly gives the cashier a heart attack when she turns around to give you your change

You purchase a large screen TV and you still can't see the program when he stands in front of the television 

After surgery, your bored pup decides to get up and cruise around the vet's office-- pulling the rolling IV stand behind him

The power company requires you to relocate the electric meter to outside the fence

3-year-old twin girls come into your house and ask excitedly if your fawn, who just had his ears cropped and bandaged in orange tape, is a really a baby reindeer

Your dog has broken your foot (at least once) when he stepped on it

The UPS man refuses to deliver packages

You are considering replacing a repeatedly broken window in your house with

Great Dane Trailer Mud flaps so your exuberant dog can stick his head ALL the way out the window without breaking the glass

Your table tops are completely clear of knickknacks and debris

The Doberman actually walks under the seven-month-old puppy 

The only "child" at the birthday party who can break open the piñata is your dog, who is excitedly whapping her tail, wondering why the little people are playing "tag" with small sticks

Your dog goes from 12-pounds to just 102-pounds in 8 months 

You no longer need to pre-rinse the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher 

Someone asks you what you feed a 150-pound dog and you answer without hesitation, "Anything he wants." 

People actually ask before petting your dog

You wake up at night because your dog has started to run in his sleep and he's kicking you in the side

He wears your T-shirts 

Your dog often stands in front of the kitchen window -- looking in

In one play session, your 5-month-old dog gives you a punctured tongue, a punctured lip, a blood-shot eye, and an aching foot

You build your house with very wide hallways 

You have a separate bedroom for the dogs 

You struggle to find a 32" tall baby gate and have at least 4 of them in the house 

You have a 48" dog pen in your living room

You have a second 48" dog pen in your bedroom for when your bitch is in heat

Storing a whelping box becomes a major challenge 

When you get out of your car, there's a small crowd of people staring at it saying things like, "Oh My God it's HUGE," and "That's the biggest dog I've ever seen," and "Son, don't you get too close to that thing!"

You keep a towel handy for when your dog shakes his head 

Your children no longer have to wash their faces

People drive vvvveeeerrrrryyyy slowly by your house, to catch a glimpse of those giant Dalmatians that crazy woman keeps

You buy a chest freezer just for the dog food

Pouting, grumbling, talking back, and "copping an attitude" are normal when your dog doesn't get his way

Walking the dog causes "little dog" owners to go pale and sweaty, clutch their dogs to their bosoms and run inside the nearest building

HE walks YOU 

You jump 3 feet when he barks

You can discuss ears for hours

"Crop failures" have no effect on the Commodity Market 

You are at dinner and you turn your head for a second – next thing you know, dinner is gone

You have to buy an "indestructible" Kong toy every two months

 Sayings that you learn to live with...

"That's the biggest dog I've ever seen."?
"Where's his saddle?"?
"Who's walking who, anyway?"?
"How much does he eat?"?
"Where does she sleep?"?
"Looks like you have your hands full!"?
"How big is that thing?"?
"That's a really big Dalmatian!"?
"Did you say it's still a puppy? You're kidding, right?"?

 Silence all those annoying comments with these answers...

Q: "How did he get soooo big?" A: "We put Miracle Grow in his water."

?Q: "Do you have a saddle for that thing?" A: "Oh no, he's been trained to carry me in his mouth."?

Q: "What kind of dog is that?"A : "It's not really a dog, it's a Holstien. He's just a little confused."?

Q: "How much does he eat?" A: "Two kids a week"?

Q: "Why is he so big?" A: "We live near a nuclear power plant."?

Q: "Does he bite?" A: "Only on Tuesdays. Oops, that's today, isn't it?"?

Q: "How much does he eat?" A: "How much do you weigh?"?

Q: "Can I ride him?" A: "No, he charges too much"?

Q: "What do you feed a 150-pound dog?" A: "Anything he wants."?

Q: "Have you fed that thing today?" A: "Why? Are are you missing a kid?"?

Q: "Why does he have one blue eye and one brown eye?" A: "He had two different fathers." 


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